ex nihil

Entrance to Exit

{Experiencia con DXM Vol. III — 10/11/09}

{material}

whole bottle of _amiorel compuesto NF_ {12 ARS}
120 ml » 360mg dxm & 180mg dph
»> 360 mg / 70 kg (actual weight~)

leads » +5.1 mg/kg dxm plus +2.6 mg/kg dyphenhidramide

{set}

a paper with big letters and big numbers lies on the table. accurate dosage with timestamp, known allergies, indications on how to use a naloxone syringe on me in case of an OD, my family’s phone number, SSN and ID, among some other items wich may help in case i need rapid medical assistance. a thermometer, towels, some clean clothes, money. i’ve also ducktaped my cellphone to my left hand with the emergency number dialed, ready to be called. this may sound very stupid and unnecessary, but in that moment i couldn’t find anything more appropriate to do.

{on} [NOTE: this is part stop and recall, part real-time writting, part sober comments on the day after. i’ve take this approach to reach a higher level of detail on this experience. i could care less about verbal times.]

2.34 a.m. ready to take off. this will be really, really interesting. it’s my first time ’boosting’ dxm with dph. i swallow the cough syrup, taking medium ‘shots’, very quickly, until i’m done. taste very nasty. i immediately brush my teeth and that’s it. DONE. i’m going to take some air. i’m quitting the music right now. i want complete silence.

2.45 a.m. nothing, as expected. some clouds seems to take familiar forms, but i’ve done this sober and there’s absolutely no difference at all. i’m getting very impatient.

2.52 a.m. standing. walking. smoking. sitting. absolutely no recognizable variation. i’m still perfectly sober. i’m going to the bathroom, because i want to see my pupil dilatation. none. (however, something awkward happened when i saw my own image in the mirror, but i can’t really explain it. i suddenly started to feel slightly “not really inside me”. it was like looking at my own reflection from another person’s perpective. it may sound frightening, but it felt kind of normal, though. maybe this is a first manifestation. i’ll wait.) the time: 2.57 a.m.

3.00 i feel somewhat tired, but not just quite. i’m gonna take another look in the mirror. geez. still no pupil dilatation. i think i’m going to put some music back. my eyes are burning, i can barely hold my look at the screen and i’m kind of sweating; it feels cold and it seems very little. i feel basically fine, though.

3.11 a.m. oh geez. out of NOWHERE, i’ve started to feel REALLY good. little, slow movement feels incredible. now i’m totally hyperactive. my thoughts are not racing, it just feels fine to move, to breathe. i can feel my blood stream. i can feel my lungs filling with fresh air. i can feel in detail every part of my body i’m making focus. i still can do almost all basic motor tasks like typing, talking, walking (very slowly), etc. i have very little nausea. if i stop moving, the nausea goes away instantaneously. 3.17 a.m.

i’m gonna lay down NOW. i need to. i just need to. 3.21 a.m. i’m gonna take a sit on the bed. OK. my vision just shut down at the very moment i’ve sit on the bed. i started playing attention to a can on the top of the fridge as a ‘reference’. if i looked that can more than 3 seconds, my brain automagically stopped decoding the environment. this was one of the scariest things i’ve ever experienced. there was only the can an me, and total blackness. no noise. no touch. no smells. i laid down and remain calm. some interesting and mild open eyed visuals started to happen from this point on. persons, animals, geometric figures. {they’re working on something (not against me, of course haha). they’re playing, in general. programmed. i’m listenin to metallic falcons. beware, beware… } [NOTE: i wrote that at some point, and i didn’t wanted to change it or exclude it from this experience. my ipod wasn’t even on my sight at that particular time].

3.45 a.m. i’ve hit the second plateau i think. i feel great. i feel really alive and willing to do anything. anything at all. music is so perfect. akufen is so perfect. the bathroom lights. i see very powerful hallucinations with my eyes totally opened. it’s very difficult to write.

reality went out TO PARTY. 4.07 a.m. WOOOOO my computer’s wallpaper reflex on glass is haunting. damn, so fucking perfect. fucking sorbitol. this is why I prefer Romilar: no sorbitol, no bathroom nightmares. running to the bathroom. so funny. hot chip music’s playing, somewhere. no exactly in my department. 4.15 a.m. 1.5 hours. i do not want under any circumstances go to sleep. i want to live this moment forever.

4.51 the best moment of this extravaganza. i can REcreate everthing. i can feel everything i want, anything. it feels so fine. soooooooo fine. ok i can’t read anymore. I feel possesed by a strange force of nature. i hear the weirdest conversations, and i can’t join them. i respond to this people chatting, anyways. but i’m not sure if i’m really talking or being listened. i’m gonna laid dooown.

{5.26 i feel SO FUCKING GOOD. i can walk, talk, think clearer. come back, little me. incredible audiovisuals. i’m on the floor. total madness. very vivid. there’s bruno, my mom, J.P. in a car with martin going up and up, screaming endlessly, laughing about speeding, peoplepl i don’t know that doesn’t respond to my commands and questions. they’re like ghosts. the walls, my fucking god. the walls are dancing. the floor. an increidible city in extension, with thousands of skycrapers with little people living there, moving.} (REAL-TIME) {semisober note: i think this came from my interest in ghost cities, wich led me to find a city in korea wich name i can’t remember that looked pretty similar to my hallucinations that night.}

////////////////////////////BLACKOUT///////////////////////////////////////////

nota el día dps.

en algun punto después del último timestamp me fuí a dormir. asumo que habrán sido las 6 de la mañana, aproximadamente. me desperté dos o tres veces para ir al baño, con dolor abdominal muy leve. me desperté y levanté a las 11.30 a.m. durmiendo así 5h 30m en total. todavía tengo las pupilas bastante dilatadas y la sensación de estar bastante lejos de mi cuerpo. pero se siente bien, no me afecta en lo más mínimo. creo que voy a poder actuar normal hasta que mi cuerpo termine de eliminar el remanente.

asumo que consegui estacionar en el 3er plateau, por la descripción del mismo, cuando empezé a quedarme dormido, verdaderamente.

día de macumbas

me desperté con treinta y trés putísimos grados celsius y había chabones iveco en todos lados, así que el viernes marchó como todos los viernes en córdoba, lentos y perfectamente insoportables -.-

btw ojalá los chupe una turbina de 747 a TODOS aquellos que nunca vieron Valentino el Argentino; a todos ellos: GRACIAS, GRACIAS POR NADA nn lo sacaron del aire, y era la novela más ridícula de la historia, se merecía seguir en el aire hasta convertirse en mierda de culto.

a todos ellos, les deseo la peor agonía h.w. griffith

@other news:
abril - videoarte alemán en cineclub hugo de carril, bitches!

calígula cristina barcelona

En un ensayo de Santiago Kovadloff, había una suerte de paráfrasis de una de las citas más famosas de Calígula de Camus. Ésta cuestionaba el sentido de vivir ya que uno inexorablemente no tenía el poder de cambiar el orden de las cosas. No encontré más el libro, quizá lo perdí, y la frase tenía una poesía muy particular, increíblemente hermosa. Estoy viendo si puedo recuperar ese fragmento para compartirlo, porque ESTOY LOCO bue [loco por cayo calígula, como figura histórica, piscuíses]

jaja dios, que agonía editar en tumblr
COMO VERÁN la pude encontrar y así, y está puesta; no veo las horas de poner el nuevo template, porque es realmente imposible que se vea todo tan vomitivo, en serio. kthnxbye.